Quinn or Ginn?

I just had to pass along this Miami Dolphins Draft Day Chat. It begins with fans discussing their hopes that Brady Quinn will fall to them at the #9 pick. Without ruining anything, it continues for the three hours until Miami is on the clock, at which point the chat gets really good. Cam Cameron had better hope that John Beck has a great career, because otherwise his first pick as coach will be very hard to forget for Dolphins fans.

Weekend Recap

Lots of exciting things happening this weekend, what with the NFL Draft, the ongoing NBA Playoffs, and of course, Beer Olympics X. I thought I'd share my thoughts on some of these events, and offer a few other interesting tidbits from the past couple days. Here at ND, the drama Saturday centered first on who would draft Brady Quinn, which soon became "How fall will he fall?" As he continued an Aaron Rodgers-like tumble, you couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor guy. With every team that passed him, he looked more shocked the Rufio when the Lost Boys sided with Peter Pan. In the end, he gets to play for his favorite team growing up...even if it cost him about $30 million dollars or so. My beloved Eagles had a decent draft...I loved the third round, with the additions of OLB Stewart Bradley and RB Tony Hunt from Penn State. The second, however, was very sub-par. Taking Kevin Kolb was a horrible pick...he was at best the third QB left on the board and easily could have been taken in the third or maybe fourth rounds. They also passed up on Steve Smith and Dwayne Jarrett when they greatly needed a WR. Victor Abiamiri is a wild card...he could end up making or breaking their draft. They also filled needs with two cornerbacks and another bruising back from Hawaii. The only other big story was the Patriots trading for Randy Moss. A very big gamble in my opinion, but Belicheck has proven to be able to handle problem children (see Corey Dillon). We'll see how that one turns out.





Onto the NBA...In the last entry, I made known my cheering interests in the playoffs. The upstart Warriors overcame a Game Two snowjob by the officials with a convincing win in Game Three to take a 2-1 lead. (Game Four is underway as I write this). Now that they have proven they can beat the Mavericks, they just have to avoid beating themselves (i.e. having two players ejected for stupid reasons). Also, the Bulls became the first team to sweep the defending champs in the first round since 1957 with their 92-79 defeat of the Miami Heat. The fun begins in the next round when they do battle with the Detroit Pistons (who swept the hapless Magic). The teams split the season series 2-2...should be a terrific series, one that I can't wait to watch with a certain roommate. Also, the one team I like that I forgot to mention last entry was the Denver Nuggets. Why Denver? Because of AI. I loved him in Philly and hated to see him go...Now I just want him to win one. They currently trail the Spurs 2-1, but we'll see what happens.





In other NBA news, my boy Agent Zero has been awarded the Cover of NBA Live 2008. Check out the full story on Gilbert Arenas's Blog. You have to love his pure giddiness about being on the cover. Congratulations Gilbert.





Beer Olympics X was a resounding success. Congratulations on Team Jordan for winning the Golden Keg as overall champions, and to Tony Cunningham for removing himself from the Eurasia flip cup team, enabling them to pull off the win. Congratulations are also in order for East Germany. Despite there being several teams with girls, including a couple of entirely girls, the East Germans managed to lose every game they entered to finish dead last. What a bunch of losers.

Finally, I had to wish a Happy Birthday to everyone's favorite dead horse, Barbaro! A year from next Saturday you won the Kentucky Derby, vaulting yourself to household-name status. However, it was only when you cost me money by breaking your leg that you became loved. I'll make sure to pour a Mint Julep out for you next week from the Churchill Downs infield. Happy Trails!

Well, that about sums up the past weekend. Stay tuned for more posts this week.

House Cleaning

Loyal readers, forgive me for my lack of postings lately. Unfortunately, I haven't been really motivated to write about anything of note lately, and I hate forcing posts. However, I decided that has to stop, so I am bringing you my thoughts on several things from the past week or so.

#1...The NBA Playoffs have started, and I intended to offer picks for the first series of games. However, this weekend (Blue/Gold and Horsetostal among others) was a blur. Thus, you'll have to wait for next round to hear my picks. Since my Sixers have been eliminated, and Agent Zero is injured and not playing, I really have no true cheering interest. Thus, I am jumping on one bandwagon (Golden State) and walking next to another (Chicago). My reasons: Golden State is young, talented, and has a great coach...also, who doesn't love Cinderella. Any sporting event I can watch with a certain roommate of mine makes me want to see them play as many games as possible, in this case, the Bulls. Also, gotta love their announcers. Stay tuned for next rounds picks.

#2...The last weekend, as I just mentioned, was a blur. However, here are some noteworthy events. A) Watching a Ultimate Frisbee vs. Ski Team (Yes, ND does have a ski team apparently) Keg Race. This was terribly pathetic, as within about ten minutes boys were puking and girls were passing out. I really haven't ever seen anythign like this, and honestly think 12-year olds would have defeated either team. I have no idea who won. B) The Blue and Gold game was uneventful. No one save Junior Jabbie stood out, but the Defense looked much more aggressive. I love Corwin Brown. Love. Yet, the highlight had to be watching Lou roam the sidelines again. We need to get him back on the field every game, but thats another story. C) I have just broken off the "I" key on my laptop. Thus, sometimes the "I" refuses to type. Deal wth it. C) Horsetostal was out of control. Hats off to the guys for throwing it and truly givng the mythical 100% effort. Truly legendary amounts of alcohol were drank. D) Bookstore Basketball has reached the Sweet Sixteen. My rooting interests are none other than the Domestic Pancake House, led by everyone's MVP John Bush. #1 in your hearts, #White Shirt in your programs.

#3...The last thing I wanted to do was apologize for the lack of previously promised Top Ten lists. Unfortunately, my first mistake was believing in my roommate to write them. Until I saw one, I should have never promised them. To make up for this, and in an attempt at motivating him, I am currently working on other ideas to replace his weekly column. If anyone has anything good, let me know. Sweet!

Countdown

Ghost Ride Your Whip

During the past weekend's legendary festivities, I got the urge to ghost ride my whip. When I expressed this desire to the other bros present, most were unaware of what I was talking about. In fact, one roommate just asked me what a "whip" even was. Thus, I decided to post this instructional video, courtesy of Mistah FAB and posse. After watching, join me in promoting this new activity by doing it yourself.

Sick Jam

Malibu's Excellent Adventure

It has been circulating around the internet for a few days, but I had to make sure everyone sees this clip. A friend of mine brought it to my attention, and it is old-school American Gladiators at its best. During the Human Cannonball competition, the gladiator Malibu receives two feet to the face and is ejected from his platform (this competition always seemed strange to me, because I can't see how a Gladiator could ever win...oh well). However, the good part starts at about the two minute mark, when Mike Adamle asks Malibu about his recuperation. The next minute may go down as the greatest minute ever shown on YouTube. It is magical. It is hillarious. Words do not do it justice. The clip gets bonus points for launching the broadcasting career of one Joe Theissman. Enjoy.

I'm Over the Hills and Far Away

After a self proclaimed season long roller coaster ride that felt more to me like a carousel, the hills season is over. I've known for a long time how contrived these shows are, but i've let myself be fooled by the producers for the sake of entertainment. In the season finale, the bullshit just got too much for me to handle. Not only did Spencer's actions go from the usual douchebag to the delirious wannabe playboy eating jenner's scraps, but the show didn't even have the decency to cover up its fakeness. Two prime examples will illustrate what i mean. In reverse chronological order: 1- When Spencer picks Heidi up in the Uhaul (classy move for a baller playboy, couldn't splurge for a moving company Spence?) we see Heidi's face in the sideview mirror, looking wistfully back at her former best friend LC. Anyone thats ever driven a car realizes that the sideview mirrors are meant for the driver to see behind the car, not for the passenger to be able to see her old and less hot friend. A bit nitpicky, but nonetheless, was that shot of Heidi in the mirror really necessary? 2- When Spencer is initially "surprising" Heidi at work by showing her the new apartment, notice his shirt. Notice the obnoxious skull on Spencer's shirt while he and Heidi are outside. Now in the next scene notice the plain black tee. Hmmm, the skull is conspicuously missing. Who fucked up here? I must give credit to Sheedman for noticing this one, he's notorious for keeping tabs on Spence's gear. Enough is enough MTV. No one watches the show for the corny scene's where we can see Heidi looking back on her old digs or the scripted conversations that let us know how the people feel. I've said it before and i'll say it now to MTV, you can't force it, just let it happen baby.

ZJ: If you don't know what it is, you can't afford it

Since the Sports Gods denied us the usual Cinderella story in March Madness, it was only necessary that a Cinderella win the Masters. 31-year old Zach Johnson, who's only other PGA Tour win came in 2004, outlasted Tiger Woods and Retief Goosen, among others, for a two stroke win. A very emotional and religious Johnson, or ZJ as I like to call him, thanked Jesus, his deceased Grandfather, and his family's support for helping him throughout his round. He then thanked Masters Chairman David Payne for making Jim Nantz interview him seated in a chair five feet away from his face. As it turns out, by the end of the interview Nantz had scooted his chair about half a foot, trying to get closer to ZJ and Phil Mickelson. As far as Tiger is concerned, he had his opportunities this week but really just didn't have his "A-game". He had several make-able birdie putts throughout the day and just choked. Plain and simple. Goosen shot a 3-under 69 to make it close, but it was too little, too late. Congratulations to ZJ...and feel free to wear it for the next week or so without taking it off.

Jim Nantz, Close Talker

Speaking of Billy Packer, I had to throw along two great pictures of Jim Nantz. Loyal Readers know about my distaste for Mr. Nantz and his creepy demeanor. Well, the first picture sums his close talking up pretty perfectly...it's one of those once in a lifetime photos. Not only does it feature Jim Nantz close talking Billy Donovan, but Sloth is in the background acting like he just won the Special Olympics.

The second picture is Nantz creeping out the Jewish Federation of Greater Hartford. I'm sure that was quite a party. I'm not quite sure what he is holding in his hand, but I'm sure the story behind it is priceless. If anyone can figure that one out, please let me know.

Fagging Out with Billy

Everyone is making a big deal that Billy Packer said he thought Charlie Rose would "Fag Out" of a deal with him during a television interview. Personally, I think this is quite hillarious. Apparently, Mr. Packer thinks that announcing every Final Four since 1975 means you can say anything you want. It should be noted that this term is actually listed in the dictionary, it just isn't really used anymore. I plan on changing that. Please join me in trying to bring back the term "Fag Out".

Championship game

Since this game is my last chance to do a stream of consciousness for a while, I thought I'd give it a shot. This time, however, I didn't tell the rest of the room, so hopefully we'll get some good stuff. Here we go...

9:08 -- Ohio State wins the Pontiac game changing performance for Ron Lewis's game-tying three versus Xavier. Gus Johnson nearly explodes during the call.

9:10 -- The group is deciding whether it is worth it for the building to blow up. On one hand, the teams, coaches, and fans of Ohio State and Florida are silenced. On the other, our good friend attending the game would perish as well. Is it worth it?

9:11 -- CBS shows Billy Donovan's pregame speech. JS: Is he trying to sell them used cars?

9:13 -- The first Masters commercial. Everyone gives me shit for hating Jim Nantz. I'm sorry, but that guy is such a creeper I can't stand it.

9:18 -- Segment featuring Ohio State starting lineup. And whoa...Greg Oden shows emotion! He just smiled and did the Mutumbo finger shake. I'm in shock right now.

9:20 -- Player selections: Myself -- Corey Brewer. JS -- Mike Conley Jr. JP -- Al Horford. HD refuses to play because he can't have Conley. CM being a bitch and doesn't want to drink. Only three players, this could get ugly.

9:24 -- JS unhealthily mad at an on-the-floor foul call drawn by Noah.

9:25 -- 1:31 into the game, and CM says "Conley is having a GREAT game."

9:28 -- Graphic showing repeat Champions, including UCLA from 1964-1965 and 1967-1973. CM: What the hell happened in '66! Damn it!

9:34 -- Billy Packer mentions the 1944 Utah squad saying "...and we ALL remember that team." Really glad Billy's here.

9:40 -- The officials clearly all bet on Florida. Truly horrible officiating so far this whole tournament.

9:47 -- Point update: Brewer with 6 and 0 fouls, Conley with 4 pts and 2 fouls, and Horford is scoreless with one foul.

9:53 -- Horford on the board with 7:30 to go in the half.

9:56 -- Ohio State players call Ivan Harris "the Microwave" because he can heat up quickly. From now on I will be known as the Microwave.

9:58 -- Observation: Everyone loves how Roy Hibbert is trying to bring back the long sleeve undershirt. However, no one mentions how Corey Brewer is doing the same thing, but better.

10:00 -- Ohio State had cut it to two, but then Florida drains three quick threes with three different players and they're up 11. Still a lot of ball to be played, but I can't see Ohio State winning this one...Florida is just too good.

10:11 -- Halftime score: Florida 40, Ohio State 29. I really don't see THE Ohio State University coming back in this one. Point update: Brewer with 11 pts, 0 fouls; Horford with 5 pts, 1 foul; and Conley has four points and two fouls.

10:35 – Second half has resumed, it’s an eight point game. We have all agreed that we either want a close game or a blowout. We’ll see what happens.

10:37 – Oden is trying to keep his team in the game (17 and 9 with only 1 foul); unfortunately, no other Buckeyes are trying.

10:40 – Finally, Greg Oden is taking over a game. I haven’t seen this all year.

10:41 – Jessica Biel is gorgeous. Also, how does Nicolas Cage keep getting movie roles?

10:45 – Just had a great exchange about Nantz and Packer: Me: Nantz is such a close talker. HD: Packer’s a pretty bad close-talker too. CM: He and Packer are probably making out right now. Me: They’re at least rubbing each other’s thighs. Great stuff.

10:59 – I haven’t been paying too much attention to the game, sorry about that. HD made me Google Frank Brickowski, a journeyman in the NBA most known for being inserted into NBA Finals games solely to foul Dennis Rodman in 1996. That was very enjoyable by all.

11:04 – Game update: Florida up 64-56 with 6:15 to go. Florida big men all in foul trouble: Horford, Speights, and Richard each have three, and Noah has four. This might get interesting after all.

11:11 – Ohio State just cut it to 6, but Green hits a deep three at the shot clock buzzer. Dagger.

11:12 – Florida has hit 10 of 18 threes. Ohio State has hit 2 of 18. Think that 24 point difference is a big deal? Wow. What a choke job.

11:13 – Brewer still has yet to score this half with 2:31 to go. Things aren’t looking great for me. Or Ohio State.

11:22 – How much do you think Tito Horford wants to kill Yannick Noah. Horford is a former NBA star. Noah is French. They are on the complete opposite ends of the manliness spectrum.

11:28 – Corey Brewer gets fouled with 19.8 seconds left. HITS THE FIRST!!! And the scoreless streak has ended. HITS THE SECOND!!! No chugging for this guy.

11:29 – Florida Wins 84-75. They become the first team to win both Football and Basketball Championships in the same year. Also, they are the first team since Duke in 1991-92 to win back-to-back Basketball Titles, and the first ever to repeat with the same five starters. Congrats to them, and may they burn in Hell. I’ll be back later with the next post. Irish in ’08.

Hills Rant Coming soon..

My Loathing for Joakim Noah Knows No Bounds

Not only is he one of the ugliest athletes i've ever had to watch, he annoys me more than any other. Maybe it's his forced cries of jubilation on the court, the attention grabbing antics off the court (see his climb into the stands when he should be celebrating with his teammates, for one), or perhaps his eerie resemblance to Sloth from Goonies. Someone needs to tell this guy that no one likes him and to tone it down a notch. If a player is going to act like this moron, they had better take the team on their shoulders before they try to steal the show. Noah did the exact opposite in the finals, going 1 for 3 from the field with more fouls than rebounds. (3 and 4 respectively.) What's that? Noah is the emotional leader that took this team to two championships? I don't give a shit. If the kid would look around at who is playing with him he'd shut his mouth and start counting his lucky stars that he has a 6'9'' small forward with better quickness and slashing than college basketball has seen in a while. Of course i'm talking about Corey Brewer. Not to mention Humphries, who literally rips nets all game long, and Horford who is everything Noah wishes he was and will never be. Enjoy the height of your career Noah and just remember you have to look like Sloth the rest of your life.

Championship Prediction

Although it is irrelevant to the Pick 'Em contest, I find it necessary to offer my thoughts on tonight's game. Anyone who has been reading about this game, or listening to the talking heads on TV and radio, know that very few people are giving Ohio State a chance to defeat the Big Bad Florida Gators. On paper, I would have to agree. Florida returns everyone from last year's team that blew the door off UCLA in the Title Game. They bushwhacked Ohio State when the teams met in the regular season. Florida has looked better so far in the tournament. Thus, all the talking heads seem to believe there is very little (if any) chance that Ohio State pulls this one out. Wait a second...doesn't that sound like the weeks leading up the the BCS Championship game last December and January? Ohio State was the surefire pick to win having been seen as the best team all year, and entered the game as 10-point favorites. Florida "snuck" into the game. Now, Florida is the surefire pick to win having been seen as the best team all year, and enter the game as 5-point favorites. That is why I am picking Ohio State to defeat Florida 76-71.

Opening Day

As I sit here, skipping my first class of the day to watch the Braves and Phillies on Opening Day from sunny Philadelphia, I thought I'd take a shot at making some preseason predictions. By no means do I consider myself a baseball expert, but I'm in a couple fantasy leagues and have read some magazine previews and such. Here goes:

American League
East: Boston Red Sox
Central: Detroit Tigers
West: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Wild Card: Minnesota Twins

National League
East: Atlanta Braves
Central: Milwaukee Brewers
West: Los Angeles Dodgers
Wild Card: Philadelphia Phillies

Divisional Playoffs
Red Sox over Twins
Tigers over Angels

Braves over Brewers
Dodgers over Phillies

ALCS
Tigers over Red Sox

NLCS
Braves over Dodgers

WORLD SERIES
Tigers over Braves in 6

There you have it, Detroit takes down Atlanta in 6 games with Jeremy Bonderman the MVP. Also, I like Gary Sheffield and Chase Utley as MVPs and Roy Halladay and John Smoltz as the Cy Young winners. Two other noteworthy predictions: The Cubs misery will continue with a fourth place finish in the NL Central and Alex Rodriguez will fake his death when his Yankees miss the playoffs and he can't take the Bronx cheers he will receive. That's how I see this season shaping up, we'll see how it all turns out in October. Seacrest, Out.

Weekend Recap

For the second consecutive year, a very entertaining NCAA Tournament has led to a very disappointing Final Four. In the first game, Ted Valentine defeated Georgetown 67-60. For those of you who are confused by that last statement, Teddy V was one of the officials in the game and made bad call after bad call against Georgetown, the worst of which was the blocking call on Jeff Green. Now, Teddy has always been a terrible referee, and his performance really shouldn't have surprised any real basketball fan. I have watched him blow call after call in the Big East, especially when Notre Dame is involved, and this guy is just truly terrible. Helen Keller would blow less calls than Teddy V.

In the second game, UCLA forgot to bring their offense and fell to Florida 76-66. Honestly, I don't think I've seen a worse offensive half of basketball than the first half UCLA played in that game. I could smell the stink all the way from Atlanta. Also, since we pushed in the first game and OC picked Florida, he officially wins the first ever pick 'em contest and bragging rights. Way to bring the A-game boys. I did, however, beat him in Pop-a-shot later that night to redeem myself. Now onto the important results of the two games, the drinking game:

G'Town versus Ohio State
No real entertaining subplots in this game. I picked Jeff Green over Jonathon Wallace, which led immediately to two things occuring: Jeff Green had his worst game of the postseason and Jonathon Wallace led all scorers with 19 points. I am a huge jinx. The only other noteworthy thing about this game was the foul trouble of Hibbert and Oden, although neither managed to foul out. Regardless, still a great time.

Florida versus UCLA
For the first time ever, I picked a player who didn't shit the bed during the game. Corey Brewer became my first player to score a point in BOTH halves as well as not fouling out. He poured in a game high 19 points. The most entertaining subplot of the game was the play of Arron Afflalo, owned by JS. With a little over six minutes to go in the game, AA had ZERO points and 4 fouls. Having already chugged his punishment after a scoreless first half, JS was looking at having to chug another three beers (two for the scoreless game, one more for fouling out). AA did end up fouling out, but managed to remove his head from his ass and scored 17 points in garbage time.

Stay tuned for more posts later this week, including picks for the Championship game.